ABC Tours of Aruba

8:15 am was our pickup from the Ritz Carlton to the ABC Tour of "The Natural Pool", a pool within the ocean enclosed by rock. It was advertised as a 4 hour off-road exploration of the Aruba ruins and snorkeling in and around The Natural Pool. Around 9 am we asked the doorman to call the tour to see if they forgot about us. Just as he was dialing, a bus with no windows skidded around the corner blasting loud music. A jovial young man jumped out and explained that it was Saturday morning and everyone wakes up drunk and doesn't come to work. He ended with, "You know how it is!" It was then that I should have realized what The Alaskan Assassin and I were in for. We boarded the bus and he hit the speed bump on the way down the hill at about 25 mph and looked at us and said, "Who put that there?!" This was about the time I started contracting my abdominal muscles to keep my body safe and I didn't stop until about 6 hours after that (In hindsight, thanks for the ab workout bus driver)! We arrived at the Land Rovers and filled out paper work saying no matter how seriously we got hurt, we couldn't sue them. We jumped in our rides I grabbed the Alaskan Assassin's leg and held on for my life. Our guide took great pleasure in making me and the college girls from Penn State we went with scream. He drove too fast and loved bumping us up and down on every rocky surface. The tour guides brought water balloons to throw at other jeeps and high fived and beeped whenever other vehicles passed by. Our guy decided to skip the ruins and took us to a cave with cave drawings, followed by a dirt path with a turtle pond. Also on that dirt path was a stream with fish that bite your toes and gave pedicures for free! As we walked the path, goats passed us. The hilly view of desert, cacti, and ocean were incredible. Back in the jeep it felt like life or death (fun looking back but definitely not at the time) but apparently some people really love being scared sh**less! After driving like a lunatic on crazy rocks uphill, our Land Rover broke down. After burning his hand under the hood, our guide took a plastic bag and tied something together to keep the radiator fluid in so we could make it to the natural pool and wait for a new ride. The natural pool was beautiful and we jumped and snorkeled and I found Dory multiple times. I only slipped and broke my butt once and broke one toe, but it was that fat one by the pinky toe that no one needs so we were all good. Our new Land Rover seemed just as broken down as the last and our guide took us to a huge cliff and spun a doughnut right over the edge. They then told us we could jump if we were strong swimmers. I think what they should have said is if you are a strong swimmer AND understand waves. Even though our guide jumped in to keep everyone away from the rocks, he was not able to help everyone back into shore and the Alaskan Assassin had to save at least one girl who just gave up. No, I'm not exaggerating. He saved her life! After the near death experience we watched the surfers and body surfed the waves until it was time to head back. A man in the jeep behind us asked if he could be back by 1 o'clock when the tour was supposed to be over because he had a wedding to attend. The guide said of course because we still had to eat back at the site and that would take an hour. At this point it was well after 1 o'clock and I realized that the locals just tell you what you want to hear and then do their own thing. Hey, I guess it was 1 o'clock somewhere! We didn't return until around 2:30 and everyone was ready to lay safely by the beach or pool. Would I recommend ABC Tours to friends visiting Aruba? I'm not sure! The adventure was insane, but we almost died multiple times.  Off-road there at your own risk!